2003-08-21

I have one week left.

Things are quickly winding down. My last day at my job was on Tuesday. I’m slowly buying all the last minute things I need. Went to Chapters yesterday, and found that the only book on West Africa costs $47.99… too rich for my blood. I’m not sure what I’m going to do about that. Maybe I’ll ask my mother for it for an early Christmas present.

I’ve decided not to spend money on buying a nice camera. Not this trip. All the donations to me have gone to my domain name… which cost me over $200 for the year. Next year I’ll be switching hosting companies, but I really love the one I’m with.

Money issues. Oh, you stupid money. One more pay cheque from my summer job, maybe a bit of cash from one other contract job, and then I’m done. I don’t have nearly enough to live well for eight months…

A trip to Europe after my stint in Africa is going to drain me of all my savings. Hope the student loans people don’t come knocking.

Oh, this travelling life I lead.

I was talking to my boyfriend last night about the people we have in our lives… and I said to him, “I don’t have many friends.” I really don’t. And then I questioned why, and I realized it’s because I don’t want to put a lot of energy into relationships that I won’t be able to hold onto for very long. The people that mean most to me are the friends who don’t need to be called every day, or week, or even month. My family is very important to me because they love and accept the way that I live my life. But no one wants to put a lot of energy into being my friend either, because they know I’m going to leave soon after.

I’ve been in Nova Scotia almost two years now, and this trip is starting to petrify me. I’ve reached this stage of denial… I feel like a frightened little girl. I’m more scared of being homesick and the amount of time away than anything else.

But I don’t want to be a grown up yet- and I know that when I come back from the next year of travelling, I will have to be one. I want to start my own business when I get back in Halifax, and in order to apply for certain grants, I’ll have to be under 25. I’m going to do this… it just feels like I’m running out of time.

It’ll be good for me to get away for six months, have one last solo trip, and then start the rest of my life. This trip will change me, I’m sure… this trip will give me a more global view… and I’m very excited for that, scared or not.

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